Resveratrol: Just the Beginning

I found out about a new drug last week from an advertisement in my spam folder. At first I thought it must be too good to be true - Really??! A pill that I can take to get the same antioxidant benefits as a glass of red wine!?! But sure enough, I looked it up on Wikipedia and found that the ingredients in Reservatrol are found in the skin of red grapes and are also a constituent of red wine. How lucky that I no longer have to drink red wine to get its benefits! It got me to thinking there must be similar drugs out there. I did a little research, and here's what I found:

Humulus Lupulus: One of these per day will thankfully replace that nasty beer I despise so much. This little pill is packed with all the benefits of hops and barley such as alleviating anxiety, restlessness, and insomnia.

Cioccolata: Be gone from me Godiva, depart you withering Dove Candy Bar, free me from your clutches Lindt Swiss Chocolate Truffles that melt in my mouth. Now I can take 2 pills instead. This drug, developed by the same people who took away red wine, is supposed to help reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, prevent fat-like substances in the bloodstream from clogging arteries, and reduce the risk of blood clots.

Vanus: I have a lot of hope for this little miracle. Medically touted to take the place of gossiping, it supposedly sends endorphins from nerve endings in the tongue and inner ear to the sensitive receptors in the brain. Reportedly this same research firm is getting ready to develop it's sister, Populo, which replaces reading People magazine.

Diaita: For about the same price as 4 cases of Diet Coke, you can buy one bottle of 30 tablets of Diaita. There are no reported benefits, except that you'll no longer be forced to gulp down that nasty mixture of carbonated water, carmel coloring, aspartame, and phosphoric acid. I don't know how they pack all those ingredients in a pill the size of a small beetle, but they do! As for concerns - I've googled and googled but can't find a definative answer.

Copulare: Not released yet, but the promise of this drug on the horizon is good enough for me. The drug company Funnomore, based in Colorado Springs, CO, is working 24/7 to get this out in time for Mardi Gras. One chewable tablet per day reportedly leaves one feeling relaxed, contented, and with a sense that all is right in the world.


AoE said...

I hoping, or rather my children are hoping, that soon someone will come out with a drug that replaces the adrenaline rush that I get from beating my kids.

Do you have any information on something like that?

Jason said...

Great site man. I was wondering if we could possible exchange links. Let me know what you think about my humor blog.


JessQ said...

Great research you've done here, friend. While I was pouring through your post, however, queries popped up.

Wouldn't these alternative drugs or pills rupture the filtering functions of our kidney and liver? Wouldn't we be gobbling up the toxic ingredients naturally attached therewith?

What kind of processing have these pills gone through?

VetTech said...

One of each please...if you take them all together do you think they would cancel each other out? LOL!