Wallets on a Chain

I had the unfortunate experience several months ago to need new tires for our minivan. Unfortunately, it wasn't only the cost that was unfortunate. It was the man with his wallet chain worn from back pocket, between his legs, and clipped on his front belt loop. Something I'd rather not have to look at for 45 minutes in a waiting room. He didn't sit down while he was waiting - I imagine that wouldn't work so hot with his wallet being on a rather tight leash.

But as frequently happens, something negative can be turned into a positive. I went home that night trying to look for the silver lining in having a chain between my legs and not being able to sit down. And it occurred to me that one might expend more calories if they couldn't sit down and had to spend the majority of their time standing. So that very night, I ordered one of these off the internet:

I had my husband lengthen the chain for me just a little bit but not enough that I could sit down without quite a bit of discomfort. In fact, here's a chart to look at. When you're sitting down, you want to be somewhere between pink and red, but either apple green or lime green when standing up or lying flat, so you can stand and sleep in relative comfort.

Within a couple of days, I started noticing the extra weight that I'd been carrying around for years seemingly melt away. I began journaling my experience with the chain, and recording my food intake, estimated calorie expenditure, and weight loss each day. After only one month, I had lost an astounding 50 pounds!*

I am currently trying to find a publisher for my new book. I guess there are still some hoops to jump through - like making certain my idea will be safe from lawsuits, and testing my claim, etc - but I can't foresee any problems. Its obviously a very credible method for weight loss.

*results not typical, number may be exaggerated for literary purposes.


Jason - GorillaSushi said...

You might also get a cross-over audience from the bondage community! Just saying.

David said...

Was that guy at the tire shop licking the windows on the short bus when he arrived by any chance?

Sting said...

I've used the same method for keeping my sperm count low - I don't want any accidents! I call it "the ball and chain birth control method" (trademark)

The Bee said...

Your site is too hilarious to ignore - stop by my site and pick up your award :)

Glynis said...

LOL :)) I enjoyed my visit

The Bee said...

Stephanie - I have no idea how it got that way! I wish I could say I was responsible but it was like that when I started.